To Tell, or Not to Tell?

Ever since Sunday afternoon, when we found out what Bonnie really thought of us, Erica and I have been going back and forth about whether to tell Bonnie that we know what she told Seal.  We talked about it with friends, whose opinions ranged from confronting her, to not saying anything and letting the Universe take care of it. 

I asked my friend and mentor, Juli, about it and she came back with a few very good points, to wit:

Were it me, I'd not confront her in front of Carlos for several reasons:

1.  One of you might slip and mention Moises and that would open that can of worms

2.  Carlos may bolt and then what would you do with the puddle of pitiful on your floor.

3.  She may freak out and then you'd have an hysterical bimbo on your hands

4.  In order to completely cover all of the issues, you'd be up until it's time to get up the next morning.

5.  There's nothing to prevent her from going back to Seal's house all upset and confronting Seal about it - you know how Bonnie loves to be victim, instigator and dramatic.

I'd tell her "have a safe trip".  I'd get Seal's permission to break the "confidence" of their conversation, and then sit down and write Bonnie a factual 30 page letter outlining each and every dollar, cent, issue, and item.   And I'd copy Seal, Carlos and Tyler.  That way you are confronting her, albeit indirectly, not raising your blood pressure and you'll have time to calmly and completely enumerate everything (remember that the tally started at $16G and rose to $25Gs within a very short period of time - who knows what the final total will be with the subsidy to Seal's rent?). From my personal experience, the less emotion included the stronger the impact- leaving no doubt as to the meaning and allowing less opportunity for excuses and rebuttal.

Remember, it all started 2 years ago with her sitting in your kitchen having a "Poor Me" breakdown until you decided to rescue her.  And she jumped on that with both feet, not letting any grass grow under them.  I think based on that alone you have a considerable amount of territory to cover in any communication with her.

While we all doubt that she and Carlos will last because she'll either bankrupt him or work him to death, on the off chance there is a wedding you need to figure out how Erica will feel about going alone or even not going at all.  Chances are if you put it all in writing you will not receive an invitation - all the better.

So after numerous conversations, we have agreed to just say goodbye, have a safe trip, and not say a word about what we know.  It'll help preserve Seal's integrity and to be perfectly honest I am tired of the whole thing.

I'd written an email to Erica's brother Tyler, part of which I've shown below.

Ty, I hope you understand that we did the best we could for Bonnie in the 19 months she was here; we tried to be nice, but also to be firm.  Maybe she thought we were the bitches from Hell ; I don’t know, because she will tell us one thing and tell others something else.  I do think she learned some life lessons while she was here ;   I am just hoping that they don’t get lost when she gets back there , because Carlos loves her to distraction and does anything she wants, and she walks all over him.   

What I got back from him, while fine at first glance, told me that he really doesn't "get it" about Bonnie:

 Not to worry. You and Erica offered Bonnie a great opportunity. It didn't work out-it's as simple as that. I'm not sure that Bonnie ever really adjusted to living in California.  

I never did either. I enjoy visiting immensely-especially getting to see and spend time with you and Erica. I know Ellen feels the same way. Don't beat yourself up over what has happened. Bonnie has a lot of demons in her past and lots of growing up to yet do. As for her relationship with Carlos-I don't know how things will work out. I usually don't speculate on anyone's private life. I have always tried to be a part of both Bonnie and Kim's life on which they could depend. I will always watch out for them as best I can, but they are adults and must deal with the consequences of their decisions, right or wrong.

Every life experience helps determine what people become. I think Bonnie will take the positives from her time with you both and apply them in her life. In the New Jersey vernacular: "You done good".

Yeah, we "done good".  But not good enough.  Tyler doesn't understand Bonnie and her manipulative powers.  All he sees is the cute kid he used to take places.  He doesn't understand that she can be just wonderful to someone's face and then totally shred them when they're not looking. 

I do think, however, that we've made the right decision not to say anything.  The Universe will take care of it for us, and we don't have to do a thing; the hard part will be waiting.  But you know what?  I have a hunch that it isn't going to take very long.  All that's needed is her refusing to do any housework (including laundry), and Carlos having to do everything around the house.  It should be very very interesting.